


When The Sun Rises

by Wheeineken



Category: Mamamoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2019-12-18 08:10:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18245864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheeineken/pseuds/Wheeineken
Summary: Yongsun keeps having recurring dreams about Wheein. And it feels real every time, that she don't know if she wants it to be.





	1. In Your Dreams

 

 

Yongsun is walking around her neighbourhood for hours. This is something she’s been doing a lot for the past few days. Once she got off her work, she’ll stroll aimlessly through the streets.

 

Today, however, she lost track of time.

 

Which is surprising since she is the type of person who likes order and plans everything. It is a trait that is both admired and despised by those who are close to her.

 

And one of them is her bestfriend, Byulyi. They met when they are in high school, Yongsun was a senior and Byulyi was the annoying junior, who keeps calling her without honourifics. She is—unlike her — a easygoing person and once she got to know her, the younger girl stuck by her side ever since.

 

Well, right now, she isn’t sure anymore if Byulyi wants to talk to her for a very long time.

 

Byulyi always told her that this will happen. That one day Yongsun would lose the things that is very important to her for something stupid. And that she will regret spending most of her life following the rules, trying to do what other people say was the right thing without thinking that maybe there is something more than that.

 

Eventually, all those things happened. And Yongsun just let it. To be left by the person she cared about the most is making it impossible for Yongsun not to cry.

 

And tears were the last thing Yongsun saw in Wheein’s eyes. The same sad eyes that lightened up everytime she’s around, those lovely pair of adoring eyes that warmed her up. But thinking about it now, only brings pain in her chest.

 

The moment Yongsun met Wheein, she already knew that the girl is special. It wasn’t hard to comprehend what she feels, when the younger girl smiles and directs every bit of affection she have on her. 

 

Those subtle touch and Wheein’s simple way of taking care of her, made Yongsun happy. But the fluttering in her chest wasn’t supposed to be there. This isn’t right, the words in her mind every single time she felt it. She is, or was, to follow her dreams and maybe marry a good man someday, like everything the society and her mother told her to do.

 

And Wheein is a talented girl. She will go places, she’ll meet wonderful people. Some day, Yongsun would be there with the rest of the people— who are in love with her art or the artist herself— in a fancy room waiting to see her life work of paintings.

 

Yongsun wants that for her. Letting her date a girl who works on a vocal training centre downtown, who can barely afford to live on her own and who is four years older than her is not ideal.

 

So Yongsun rejects every notion of them being together. It was so abrupt— as Byulyi said while glaring at her, cruel— that she was mad at herself. At some point, she wants to take it back, seeing how hurt Wheein was, but it was already done.

 

The girl who is in her mind every single waking moment won’t talk, let alone look at her. Yongsun tried, really, to make things get back the way it was. But the furious comment that Byulyi spat, dissolved any idea of being by her side in the way Yongsun can only offer.

 

Adding to her regrets, was asking one of their closest friend, Hyejin, who replied to her incessant texts with a, “Don’t ever think about seeing her again.”

 

That was it, the last thing Yongsun heard from the girl. 

 

And here Yongsun was, her mind and body exhausted. The countless sleepless nights doesn’t help the the growing migraine forming in her head. To top it all of, she can’t remember the last time she had a decent meal.

 

Now, Yongsun is standing in an unfamiliar street with her stomach empty and her feet aching because of the stupid heels she decided to wear that morning.

 

As she looks around, she notices a flicker of light at the end of the street. And as she drags herself towards it, she sees a restaurant. There is no people inside and when she got closer she notices that it is still open. Yongsun wonders why a family restaurant like this is still open at this hour. But her question was forgotten, when she heard her stomach growls.

 

Once inside, a familiar feeling came crashing to her. She swears that she’s been here before but it’s impossible since this is the first time she went to see this place. 

 

Her thoughts are interrupted when a friendly looking girl approaches her, with a big inviting smile. Seeing how she walks towards her confidently, Yongsun knew that she owns this place. 

 

When the girls stops in front of her and she stares, hard. Yongsun is starting to feel a little creeped out but then the girl hummed and seems pleased. She grinned and asked, “What can I get for you?”

 

Yongsun absolutely don’t have any idea about this place so she just shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, anything good really.”

 

With that, the girl went back to where she came from. And after a few minutes, she returns with the food. It doesn’t take a while, when Yongsun starts digging in, if she wasn’t so hungry, she’ll probably tell the girl how good the food is.

 

The girl is rabbling over her while she eat and keeps telling her about how good food fixes everything and that maybe it will help her. But eventually left when she pays. She gives Yongsun a mysterious smile as she exits the restaurant.

 

Yongsun swears, that was one of the best meal and the most strange interaction she ever had.

 

It didn’t take long before she finds her way back to her apartment. She can’t help but check her phone as she head home.

 

_No new messages_

 

When she arrives at her place, she immediately jumps to her bed contemplating if she needs to freshen up. But still the neat freak she is, she drags herself up and do all her nightly routine before she lies down.

 

Yongsun indeed feels tired. Which she is thankful because she feels drowsy already and can finally sleep after the past few days.

 

Before she closes her eyes, she wishes that tomorrow would be a better day.

 

 

-

 

 

_Yongsun can feel something tickling her ears. She keeps ignoring it but then there’s a hot breath close to her face murmuring her name suddenly catches her attention._

_“Hey, Unnie. You still here?” A soft husky voice can be heard and a rustling sound beside her made Yongsun open her eyes._

_A girl with a brown fringe greeted her sight. And Yongsun can’t help but giggle at how the girl in front of her is adorably frowning. And the pout, she didn’t know if she wants to stare at it or kiss it gone._

_“Ah, Unnie! Really! I’ve been telling you about my day and you start drifting off again.” Even with the mocking angry tone, she can see the lovely smile forming at the other girl’s feature._

_Even when her mind a little fuzzy, Yongsun chuckles as she nuzzles closer to the girl, tucking her head just above the younger girl’s shoulder. She closes her eyes and she feels her shifting to be more comfortable, hugging her._

_They stayed wrapped around each other when Yongsun looks up at the smaller girl who seems very peaceful, and kisses her softly. A smile plastered on her face as she sees Wheein blushing._

_“What was that for?” She asked, clearly surprised._

_“I just— I love you, Wheein-ah.” Yongsun murmurs with a gentle voice and snuggle clumsily back at Wheein’s arms. Even without looking, she knows that young girl is flushing._

_Yongsun pretends to feel offended, when Wheein failed to answer her immediately. She perched up, though misses the warmth against her body, and pouts exaggeratedly. “Don’t you love me anymore, Wheeinie?”_

_Wheein tried saying a word several times before laughing and then cupping Yongsun’s cheeks and playfully squishing it. “You know the answer to that already, Unnie. It won’t change ever. I love you too.”_

_Hearing those words, the older girl can’t help but shower Wheein with kisses, making her do it more when she heard her giggling uncontrollably. Before pulling apart, she left one long kiss that took them both breathless._

_“You know,” Yongsun is still panting, gently brushing her finger on the younger girl’s face. “I should be the one reassuring you.”_

_“I told you it’s fine. It’s doesn’t matter, you are here now.” She encloses her with another hug. If people ask Yongsun if she loves being touched before, she’d probably deny it but being wrapped around the person she loves the most is the best feeling she ever had. Yongsun knows she could stay like this forever._

 

 

And Yongsun suddenly opens her eyes. She abruptly sits up, pats her shoulders down her waist. After that, she studied her surrounding making sure she’s truly awake, and when she saw the familiar room, she sighs.

 

The feeling of warmth in her entire body is still present, making her shiver. Controlling her trembling hands, she removes her blanket.

 

Yongsun isn’t someone who freaks out easily on small things or to think about anything deeply but that dream she had is making her crazy. She remembers every little details like it happened, like it is a part of her memory.

 

It felt so real.

 

And Yongsun can’t help but wonder if she wants it to be.

 

 

 


	2. It's Been a Long Time

 

 

Yongsun is having recurring dreams about Wheein ever since that night. Sometimes, it is a good one and sometimes— she tried forgetting about it— a bad one. Though they always end up reconciling, kissing or confessing their love for each other. And it is making her lose her mind.

 

And the more she ponders about it, the more it seems to be a part of her memory. It’s like her own mind is playing a trick on her. If she’s being honest, she thinks it might be guilt tripping her. Making her more confused, as if it is telling her something.

 

Because every single one feels so overwhelming, so raw and specific that once she wakes up, she needed to calm herself and look around for any sign of the younger girl. She had to have a reality check every once in a while and it’s distracting her that even the people at work notices.

 

They have been telling her to get some rest, but it would only lead to her sleeping. And it was the last thing she wants to do after last night. 

 

After all the dreams she had, this one hits close to home. It doesn’t deviate her feeling of dread even with just the idea of being together with Wheein. 

 

Yongsun might not be crazy enough to believe that it will happen but it still brings a lasting impression. And even her previous dreams can’t compare to the pain that she felt the moment she opens her eyes.

 

Every moment, every words that are said and everything only heightens the ever present fear she has.

 

 

 

_Wheein is standing facing Yongsun while she is crying on the couch, in what seems to be their shared apartment. It looks like they just had a fight, with Yongsun clearly trying to catch her breathing and Wheein staring at her with her hands trembling._

 

_“Unnie, look at me.” The pleading is apparent despite Wheein’s quivering voice._

 

_And Yongsun tries not to. But when the younger girl kneels in front of her and takes her hand, she can’t help but glance. And she was blown away at how beautiful Wheein is, even with her sad eyes and messy hair. It took everything in her not to take her in her arms and shield her from all the unkind things in this world._

 

_But right now, Yongsun is the reason why Wheein is hurting._

 

_“I can’t do this anymore,” Yongsun whispers between her sob, sounding very much like her own words are clutching her chest._

 

_“I told you, it’s fine if you want to keep this a secret.” Wheein sadly smiles, pleading at her, holding her hands tightly, afraid to let go. “I will wait, even if it takes forever, for you, Unnie. As long as we’re together.”_

 

_Yongsun instantly whimpers while shaking her head. She don’t want her to do that. It is unfair for Wheein, it is not fair for her to be someone’s secret, to be in the shadow when she can be proud of who she is. Not when Yongsun is the very reason why the shadow becomes darker._

 

_“I’m so sorry.” She tries to muffle her sobs but can’t. “But this is for the best. We both know that this is never gonna work.”_

 

_“So this is it then, Unnie?” Wheein is very good at repressing herself. She asks as if she already know the answer. She slowly withdraw her hands and stands up. “Just like that. After everything we’ve been together.”_

 

_“Wheein-ah.” Yongsun weeps. “We tried, but it just doesn’t work.”_

 

_With that, Wheein takes her things, only bringing what she needs. She softly opens the door that goes out of the apartment. And when she is halfway through, she turns around. “This won’t change anything. I’ll still wait for you. I love you so much, Unnie, even if you’re so afraid of what you feel.”_

 

_“Please… Wheein don’t.” Is all Yongsun says._

 

_Wheein just smiles and leaves, taking her promise at heart._

 

 

 

Making up her mind, Yongsun decides she needed someone to talk to. So she called Byulyi, hoping that the girl will help her figure herself out and maybe just be there for her. She can’t bear to keep this alone any longer.

 

And she misses the girl, and her constant impulse to annoy her. Because the other girl might be carefree but she is perceptive. Or maybe she just wants her bestfriend back.

 

That’s why she’s here in a coffee shop downtown, a few blocks away from her office, waiting for her. Even when Byulyi agreed to meet— reluctantly, she is still mad at her however it seems to wane at some point— she isn’t sure if the younger girl will show up.

 

Yongsun have been waiting for half an hour now. If they are in good terms, she would probably scold Byulyi. But they aren’t and she don’t even have the energy to be angry.

 

When Byulyi walks through the entrance of the shop, Yongsun releases a sigh of relief. 

 

Byulyi still looks very much the same, with her blonde her and boyish charm. Though she expects nonetheless, as it was only been a month or two since they last saw each other. And it’s starting to feel like she’s the only one who is taking this hard.

 

“Hi, Byulyi-ah.” She mutters as she watch Byulyi take a sit in front of her. “How are you?”

 

The younger girl gives her a small strain smile, as if testing the gesture in her face. “I’m fine. You?”

 

“I’m fine, too. Thank you for asking… “

 

This was awkward considering that they have always been honest with each other. And Byulyi seems to have the same sentiment as she says, “You are not. You look like shit, Unnie. What happened to you?” 

 

“Nothing, I just— ” Yongsun suddenly blurts out. Frankly, it’s the first time in a while someone asks her that. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m going crazy. Every night, I keep having dreams about Wheein.”

 

“Well, even your conscience is punishing you.” Byulyi snaps, and it takes a lot of will power for her not to go off. So she just sighs. “I’m sorry, Unnie. That was uncalled for.”

 

Yongsun steals a quick glance at her best friend. “No, I deserve that.”

 

“I wouldn’t totally disagree.”

 

And after that Yongsun tells her every dreams she had.

 

“Well,“ Byulyi murmurs, observing the older girl then resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “That’s very comprehensive? Like your mind knows what exactly would happen if the two of you date. Maybe it’s telling you something.”

 

“That we will eventually break up,” Yongsun exclaims agitatedly. “And that we’ll end up hurting each other again and again.”

 

Byulyi frustratedly runs her fingers through her hair, “You are taking this the wrong way, Unnie. After all you told me, you only took the bad parts, how about the happy ones? It’s normal that the two of you would fight. It happens. But the point is you try. Here you are crying over some hypothetical relationship, without even experiencing the real thing.”

 

“What am I supposed to do? Tell Wheein ‘let’s date and see what happens’ when we all know the we won’t end up together because it is not accepted around here.” It’s sadly true that until now, that kind of relationship is scrutinised. And Yongsun is scared, what her workmates would whisper behind her back, what her family would say.

 

But then Byulyi lifts a smile, “I wish I had a chance like you.”

 

“What do you mean?” Yongsun widens her eyes.

 

The younger girls tilts her head and glance at the window. “Do you remember the girl I told you that I like?”

 

“Ah, yes.” She nods. “The funny unnie?”

 

“I never got to tell her.” Byulyi flicker her eyes towards her, and Yongsun saw a familiar glint but before she can identify it, Byulyi averts her eyes and continues. “We spent a lot of time together, I should have told her but I was scared.”

 

“And then?” Yongsun worriedly asks if her best friend is okay. “Are you still friends? Do you plan on telling her still?”

 

Frowning, Byulyi’s gaze stays glued outside. “No, it’s too late now. She’s already in love with someone else.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Byul.” Yongsun didn’t know that Byulyi is going through this until now. She thought that she already move past that since the younger girl didn’t mentioned it again.

 

“It’s okay. I just wish that I could have said it sooner.” Byulyi chuckles dryly. “And thinking about it now, I’m glad I didn’t because I don’t stand a chance. But you still do, Unnie. I hope you don’t waste it. It’s not too late to do anything.”

 

Yongsun ponders for a while after listening to Byulyi’s little speech. And of course she understand what the younger girl is saying. “Do you think I should go for it?”

 

“I’m just saying that maybe there’s a reason why you keep thinking about her.”

 

And Yongsun wants to say more but she is too immerse in her own thoughts.

 

 

-

 

 

_Kissing is something they have done many times already yet it still fascinates Yongsun by each and everytime. After closing the the gap between them, she could taste those sweet lips while Wheein gently caresses her hands to her body as they fit together._

 

_When they are slowing down and the younger girl gently flips her back against the bed, and suddenly Yongsun kisses her roughly, that it might start bruising. It is not stopping her, only making her hold Wheein closer._

 

_Wheein is starting to sense something and probes. Yongsun is never this careless with her. “Is everything alright, Unnie?”_

 

_But Yongsun just keeps her lips glued on hers. It got Wheein wondering. And only when the younger girl stops reciprocating that Yongsun finally slows down._

 

_“You are only mine, right?” Yongsun breaks away and wraps her arms around Wheein’s waist then burying her face further into the girl’s neck, muffling the sound of her voice. “You won’t leave me because of some girl in your class?”_

 

_It makes Wheein sits abruptly and only see Yongsun staring blankly looking everywhere but the younger girl. “What are you talking about?”_

 

_“You know, she’s young, pretty and smart. And by the way she looks at you, it’s obvious that she likes you. You should consider her.”_

 

_“What’s wrong with you, Unnie?!” Wheein grabs Yongsun’s shoulder and raised her voice at her face, trying to make sense out of her. “I won’t! I’m already with you. Why can’t you just accept that.”_

 

_Yongsun doesn’t answer and her face looks exhausted._

 

_It’s not that it is the first time they discussed about this. “We already talked about this. I won’t leave you because you think that I deserve better. Because I already have the best.”_

 

_Yongsun almost smiles instantly. For someone who’s not good with word, Wheein knows how to reassure her. The younger girl saw it and continues, “It’s you. I want you, only you.”_

 

_“I’m sorry,” Yongsun closes her eyes. “I just forget sometimes.”_

 

_“Then you have me.” Wheein pecks the corner of her lips, finally meeting her eyes. She saw her staring at her lovingly, making Yongsun’s heart swell. “I’ll make you remember everyday.”_

 

_Those words reminds her of the fact that Wheein have been doing that since the day they met. And if the younger girl is aware of that, she doesn’t know. Yongsun thinks Wheein still don’t know the effect of her feelings to Yongsun and how it brings everything in her._

 

_Yongsun shakes her thoughts off. She open her arms, inviting Wheein, who accepts it willingly. “Anyone would be so lucky to have you.”_

 

_“Well unfortunately for them, you only have me.”_

 

_She don’t have any words for that, so Yongsun just kisses the girl she loves._

 

 

-

 

 

The following days have been blurry. Yongsun spent her days working, going home late and dreaming about Wheein. It’s a routine that keeps happening even after her talk with Byulyi. The only difference is that the other girl is talking to her now, and have been as infuriating as ever.

 

And it’s doesn’t slip her how Byulyi would ask about her well being and how she would loosely tell her how Wheein is doing nowadays. Which she is thankful since she is too proud to actually ask her.

 

Byulyi once mentioned that Wheein is doing well at school despite her constant avoidance in staying outside her dorm longer than necessary other than attending her classes. And it shouldn’t be a surprise since Wheein is always been an introvert. But Byulyi said that she barely talks to Hyejin too.

 

Beside Yongsun and Byulyi, Hyejin is the only person who seems willing to keep up with Wheein. She still remembers how Hyejin would do anything just to protect her— to the point of threatening her— and how Wheein would do the same. The girl might be intimidating, but she is soft when it comes to her childhood bestfriend. 

 

It’s worrying Yongsun more than ever, that she starts wondering if she should talk to Wheein. But she dismisses the idea before she can call the younger girl, thinking that it is a little too soon.

 

So she just settles with convincing Byulyi— and it doesn’t take a lot— to check on the girl, every now and then.

 

It is already midnight when Yongsun finally left her office to go home. Dragging herself towards her place, that is when she notices someone sitting in front of her apartment. And it made her halt her steps.

 

The person is huddled up against the door, sitting on the floor while hugging their knees close to chest and hiding into their arms. And Yongsun didn’t have to see her face to know who it is.

 

Yongsun could recognise the person anywhere even without the bucket hat and the oversized sweater. It will only take a glance at how delicately small the person is for Yongsun to feel the growing warmth that is slowly spreading through her entire body. And when the figure finally looks up, there is no denying how much she misses looking at those sad eyes.

 

It takes her a moment to finally say something.

 

“Wheein-ah.”

 

 


	3. Only Longing Grows

  

_There is a big ball of blanket snuggled up in the middle of the living room. Yongsun have to stare hard to see that it is just Wheein wrapped in it, focusing on some papers scattered on the floor._

_She must be having one of those quarterly exam— that the younger girl really hates, always shouting, frustratedly, that she doesn’t need to know how people’s anatomy work, who Yongsun just answered by smiling suggestively at her— and might be in there for quite some time._

_She doesn’t even notice that Yongsun is home and sneaking in. The younger girl jumps up from the floor when she surprises her with a big hug._

_“Oh my god, Unnie! I think I just had a mini heart attack!” Wheein exclaims, dramatically putting her hands to her chest._

_“Well, we should make good use of that heart of yours than beating for me, eh?” Yongsun wraps her arms around the smaller girl then steals a peck on her cheek before burying her face into the crook of Wheein’s neck._

_“Unnie, that’s— you are worse than Byulyi-unnie.” Wheein blushes then sighs while running her fingers through the older girl’s hair._

_“Only for you.” She childishly giggles. “I can do worst you know… “_

_“But Yong— not right now. I am studying. I need to focus. I need to memorise all— “_

_Wheein is interrupted by the older girl who is leaving small kisses on her neck up to her jaw. She swears that Yongsun is sent here to punish her but she is not complaining._

_The younger girl closes her eyes and starting to give in but eventually the kissing stops._

_And that’s when Wheein heard a chuckle, making her glance at the older girl. “Now you have a reason to hurry up.”_

_It takes a lot in Wheein not to have her way with the older girl right there and then. So she just settles for a groan. “But Unnie, you started this. Let’s finish it.”_

_“You really need to study.” Yongsun said in a chastising tone then pushes her lightly, her eyes smiling._

_“Okay, just one— “ The younger girl makes an attempt to steal a peck on her lips but Yongsun skilfully dodges._

_“Be a good student, and I’ll wait for you.” Yongsun flashes her a flirty smirk while strutting with her fitted jeans. “I’m not going anywhere.”_

_Even without looking back, Yongsun knows where Wheein’s eye are._

 

 

-

 

 

“Wheein-ah.”

 

Her heart expanded with the feeling of bittersweetness the moment their eyes met. As if it’s always been there and Wheein presence only reminded her of that. Countless of thoughts, memories and dreams about Wheein keeps running in Yongsun’s head.

 

As if it wasn’t there every single day for the past month or two.

 

“Yong-unnie, hi.”

 

A warm hesitant voice snaps her out of her trance. Yongsun blinks and finds herself face to face with the younger girl. She sees Wheein greeting her with a hesitant smile.

 

Yongsun unconsciously check the girl in front of her, from the tired face down to the seemingly thinner body. It is a thing she acquired when she first get to know Wheein— it always scares her how clumsy she is. And it makes her want to cry.

 

How Byulyi describes the state of her is an understatement compared to the Wheein who is currently staring at the floor. The younger girl looks smaller with the way she seems to be and she mumbles, “I’m sorry, Unnie, for barging in here like this.”

 

“No… It’s alright. I’m just surprise, that’s all.” Yongsun tries to form a smile, but it comes out as a grimace.

 

“Are you sure? I can go, if you want.” Wheein worriedly asks gesturing to leave, since Yongsun is just standing there without making a move.

 

Yongsun makes up her mind the moment she sees Wheein leaving and holding her arm. “No, hey, I’m sorry, I forgot my manners. Would you like to come in?”

 

The younger girl blinks so slowly, looking between the hand touching her arm and Yongsun, because of the unexpected invitation. It takes her quite some time to say the words, “Cool, I mean yeah sure, if you’re fine with it.”

 

Yongsun nodded, giving her a tight lipped smile as she goes into her apartment followed by Wheein.

 

Once inside, she can’t help but notice how the younger girl is shivering making her wonder how long Wheein is sitting outside.

 

“Have you been waiting long?” She asks, obviously knows the answer but needing to hear Wheein’s response.

 

The younger girl slowly put her hands inside her pocket. A habit Wheein always do when she’s clearly anxious. She mumbles, “No, I just got here.”

 

Yongsun would reprimand her for lying. And for not thinking about how dangerous it is to be alone around this area and coming without wearing something warm. But she don’t think she have any right to do that anymore. Though it doesn’t lessen her distress at how Wheein is being careless.

 

So she just flashes her an understanding smile. Yongsun is about to ask her if she already had dinner when Wheein suddenly gasps. 

 

“Is something wrong?” Asks Yongsun, worried.

 

Wheein doesn’t answer and immediately runs outside the apartment. Before Yongsun even starts to panic, the younger girl is sprinting back holding something in her hand. And if she is not mistaken it looks like…

 

“I almost forgot the tteokbokki. I got it from your favorite restaurant.” Wheein fakes a cough as Yongsun doesn’t reply but only stares at her. “I just passed by it and thought maybe you’ll want some.”

 

“Oh, thank you. It’s— ” It is so incredibly thoughtful and sweet. “— very nice of you.” Yongsun smiles and takes the food. She wants to point out that the place isn’t on her way but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. 

 

The younger girl handed her the food. It’s already cold but it warms up everything inside her.

 

“It’s nothing.” Wheein weakly smiles in return. “You should probably heat it up though.”

 

And she did, and now they are both settled down in the dining table, the younger girl staring at her food while Yongsun has been stealing glances at her. There is an awkward silence, and she doesn’t know how to start any conversation without any one of them reacting badly.

 

“I’m actually here to say something,” Wheein speaks first as she fiddles with her hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to confess again or something— I just want to say I’m sorry.”

 

Yongsun tried not to flinch when she heard the word ‘confess’ and gives her a questioning look. She wonders what the younger girl is apologising. “About what?”

 

It takes a while before Wheein response. “The way I reacted after… “

 

“Wheein-ah, It’s— “ Yongsun said but interrupted by the younger girl.

 

“Please let me finish.” Wheein takes a deep breath and leans her back on the chair with her eyes closed “I should have handled it better. Because of what I did, I almost lost you. And even if I’m not— in love with you, you are still my friend and one of the most important person in my life. It’s better to have you as a friend or anything that you want us to be, Unnie, than nothing.”

 

Yongsun wants to cry. If it’s from exhaustion or from the closure the Wheein seems to be offering. Isn’t that what she wants? To have Wheein within arm’s reach without the repercussions.

 

There is a long pause. The younger girl misread the silence and adds. “I understand if you think it’s too early or you don’t want to be friends anymore. It’s not fine but eventually I’ll get over it. I just— I miss you.”

 

It’s hurting Yongsun so much, from her chest to her head at how considerate Wheein is. It scares her that maybe one day someone would take advantage of it and she won’t be there to protect the younger girl.

 

And now she don’t know what she’s more afraid, the idea of one day Wheein would find someone else or the fear she had just with the thought of them together.

 

“Wheein-ah, of course I want us to be friends. And I miss you too.” Only if she is strong enough. Yongsun leans forward, taking the younger girl’s hand. She feels Wheein flinch but it only made her hold her tighter.

 

And when Wheein finally relaxes, she heaves a soft sigh. “Thank you, Unnie.”

 

The way Wheein’s eyes seems to be far away, Yongsun knows that the younger girl is brooding. But this is enough, for now.

 

After that, they tried making small talks, at first it was obvious that things are still uneasy but eventually when Yongsun asks about her studies that the younger girl lights up.

 

A proud feeling in her chest expanded at how Wheein excitedly tells her about doing good at university. It made her smile how the younger girl seems to forget what happened when it comes to something she loves to do and at how she seems to be trying.

 

Time passes by without the two of them noticing, a feat that Yongsun always experience when she’s with the younger girl.

 

It was when Wheein checks her phone, that she did the same and realises that it’s already late. And by what she have heard, the younger girl had a morning class earlier.

 

Wheein must be really tired now. 

 

That is when she made a decision to asks Wheein to stay the night. “I don’t want you walking back alone in the middle of the night. So you should probably stay here.”

 

“Oh, Unnie, are you sure?” Wheein timidly asks.

 

“Of course.”

 

A distant look appears in Wheein’s face, her sad eyes filled with uncertainty and looks at her with her eyebrows kneaded together. But the younger girl seems to catch her expression, and gestures at the living room. “I’ll take the couch then.”

 

“No, you will stay at my room.” Yongsun shakes her head vigorously. Before Wheein could say something, she added. “My sister is out of town so I stay at hers.”

 

“Okay.” Wheein shrugs. 

 

After letting the younger girl borrow some clothes to change into and to freshen up and also giving her a much needed space, Yongsun goes to the other room to prepare herself to sleep. She is actually starting to think that this is not a good idea, having Wheein stay with the person who just hurt her feelings.

 

But she can’t really just let her roam the streets in the middle of the night. If something bad happen to the younger girl, she won’t forgive herself.

 

She knows Wheein was telling the truth when she said that she’s not trying to win her over when she came up here but she could still notice the little flicker of hope from her eyes. And she thinks she could read so many things from her eye too, from the sentiment to melancholy.

 

After all, she technically rejected her twice now and she won’t do anything about it.

 

And now it’s getting colder. She wants to go to the next room and asks Wheein if she is warm enough. But she shouldn’t. It’s too much.

 

Yongsun doesn’t think she can handle all those emotions since she can barely manage it after all those dreams she had. Yet she knows she has to, since she brought it to herself. 

 

She can’t sleep even after all the tossing and turning. So she pushes herself up to the bed and went outside to get a glass of water. She can’t help but glance at the other room on her way, and notices the door is ajar.

 

Her feet uncontrollably drags her, and smiles a little she sees the younger girl wrapped in a blanket looking so adorable.

 

But then she heard a painfully familiar sound, it was when she notices the Wheein’s shoulders are moving, twitching. And she holding her chest, sobbing.

 

This is exactly what Yongsun doesn’t want to see.

 

So she runs back to the bedroom. 

 

Yongsun blames herself. She has been too selfish. She could fix this. Although she is still afraid and don’t understand why Wheein stays even if it hurts. 

 

She closes her eyes, hoping to be in deep slumber. Because only in her dreams would she be strong enough for the younger girl.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll explain why Yong keeps dreaming about Wheein. It's related to the restaurant from the previous chapter. I'm saying this because I'm not really sure if I laid out that plot clearly. It's my first time writing something close to a fantasy type of genre— I don't really know what it's called— but I hope you guys get the gist.


	4. Hello

  

“So… ”

 

Clearing her throat, Byulyi plants herself on the couch in the living room. Her eyes are looking expectantly at Yongsun while she is busy pretending to ignore her. This is a normal occurrence in the older girl’s apartment. Byulyi would just barged in and hang around.

 

It is something Yongsun is used to. Usually, they would just do their own thing, not minding each other’s business. But today, Byulyi is scrutinising her with curious eyes. And she already knew why.

 

The staring goes on for a while until the older girl had enough. “So?”

 

“I heard that Wheein was here last night… And she spent the night? Is it true?”Byulyi is raising a brow.

 

Ignoring the suggestive tone, Yongsun looks at her and replied nonchalantly. “You mean by ‘heard’ is Hyejin telling you about it, right?”

 

“Yeah… “ Frowning a little, Byulyi explained. “She said that Wheein’s roommate called her because she didn’t come home. So what happened?”

 

The older girl takes a deep breath, trying to control her emotion. The image of the younger girl crying on her bed was still fresh in her mind. It doesn’t help that the next morning, when Yongsun went to check on her, Wheein was already gone leaving a message.

 

Those words from the note hold different meanings which Yongsun was racking her head off. Until now, she can’t take herself to even enter her own room, afraid to be reminded of how much she messed up. Adding to the fact that Wheein’s smell still lingers in the apartment.

 

And it was the first night in months that she didn’t dreamt of her.

 

Which shouldn’t surprised her since her whole life she’s used to not having any dreams. It was a blessing— some would say— because the one moment she’s asleep and the next thing she knew she’s awake and will get on with her day.

 

Yet it still doesn’t sink in her how those moments in her head has become a big part of her for the past few months. She should be grateful for that because it finally stopped but can’t shake the feeling that in the same night she lost two different chances she had with Wheein.

 

“Nothing happened. She wanted to talk, so we did. It was pretty late so I asked her to stay.” Yongsun replied quickly with finality, not wanting more questions about it.

 

Byulyi sensed her exasperated tone and released a deep sigh. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just thought that maybe you finally let yourself be happy.”

 

“What is that even mean?” Yongsun raises her voice a little.

 

And Byulyi looks at her frustratedly.

 

“What?”

 

“You still don’t get it do you?”

 

“WHAT?”

 

“You cared about Wheein deeply more than anyone. You always think about her and even to the point where you dreamt of her every night. Even your subconscious is telling you something.”

 

Yongsun suddenly stood up, grabbing her coat. “I’m going for a walk. I don’t want you here when I get back.”

 

“Really, unnie, this again? Pushing people away once it gets real.”

 

“I don’t even know what’s real in my head anymore.”

 

“Wheein is real, you know.” Byulyi casually said, seemingly expecting this kind of outburst from the older girl. “You just have to acknowledge that.”

 

Yongsun walked out without looking back.

 

 

-

 

 

Yongsun hovers through the window of the familiar restaurant. There was a weird feeling in her that lingers the moment she got a glimpse of that place again. It was the same establishment she saw when she accidentally got lost months ago, and it happened to be there by chance.

 

It’s weird how she could recognized it immediately.

 

After she left her apartment, Yongsun walked around her neighbourhood aimlessly— something she’s been doing a lot lately—trying to clear her mind. Which she don’t think helped her in anyway because she already knew what was the problem.

 

The unexpected visit from Wheein open a part of her that she kept in herself. And the disappointment when she woke up that morning without even dreaming of the younger girl weighing in her. Yongsun understand how Wheein was content with just anything that she would give to her.

 

_It’s better to have you as a friend or anything that you want us to be, Unnie, than nothing._

 

Yet cynic in her is still there.

 

A big sign that says ‘open’ was in front of the door, though there was no people inside. She wonders why, thinking that the food serves was good— based on the last time she came— and it’s a shame that no one seems to know it.

 

“You’re back!” A cheerful voice from behind her startled her. Yongsun looked back and saw the same friendly looking girl from the restaurant. “And it took you long enough.”

 

Yongsun frowned, confused at what the girl was saying, wondering why she would say that. She was about to tell her that she got the wrong person, but then girl looked at her knowingly.

 

“I expected you to give in immediately.” The girl shook her head, like she was disgruntled with herself and lead Yongsun inside. She made Yongsun seat at one of the stool as she sat in front of her too, running her hand through her hair. “Well I guess you are more stern than I thought.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Frowning at the girl, Yongsun was thinking of their interaction, finding something she missed but nothing came to mind.

 

“You keep dreaming about something you really wanted right?” The girl grinned, looking somewhat amused. “People like yourself are so afraid of what other people think that sometimes they settle for something safe, for labels that they thought would keep them in line— which is crazy because safe is boring, safe wouldn’t guarantee you happiness. It Is by taking risk for something you know in yourself would make you live your life— not just survive— that you’ll know what’s important. And sometimes they forget, _you_ forget. I just helped remind you that.”

 

Yongsun admits that she is not always the smartest girl in the room but from what she understands is that the girl in front of her is the reason why she keeps having this recurring dreams about Wheein? Is that even possible? She’s recalling some of those supernatural plots from the dramas and films she watch— which she loves— on her free time and what’s happening right now is something similar to that.

 

“You’re saying that you are the one who messed me up?” She also isn’t the type that gets mad easily though things like this— something she can’t comprehend— is not ordinary. And what the girl had done have some serious consequences that Yongsun is freaking out about.

 

“Correction, I didn’t messed up with your head.” The girl explained with the same cheerful smile on her face. “I only made you think about things that you can have if you aren’t afraid enough to maybe try.”

 

“So you put thoughts in my head?” Yongsun frowned, stopping herself from screaming at her.

 

“You still don’t get it, do you? Those in your head, it’s your own.”

 

“Those thoughts?”

 

“People call it subconscious, a part in someone’s mind which some is not fully aware of but influences one’s actions and feelings. I just nudge that part a little bit for you. Not everyone have a chance like you do, a fully realised side of your consciousness.”

 

“You’re telling me that I wanted all of this?”

 

“No, I’m telling you that it is something you are always considering. Like I said before, I’m only reminding you. The things you do after this is not me, it’s on you.”

 

Yongsun have to take a deep breath and absorb all of the words the girl said to her. There a part of her telling her that this is insane and refraining herself from straggling the girl. But there’s also something in her that knew that already.

 

There is no denying now how she feels for Wheein. The only question is, if she’s going to do something about it.

 

“I could help you have another dream again if you want? I knew that you didn’t have last night and that’s why you’re here. But please remember that this is still your own subconscious. Whatever happened in there is yours.”

 

Yongsun feels an urge to ask her everything but the realisation is dawning to her and she’s exhausted.

 

“Just tell me what I need to do.” She sighs, glancing around the very ordinary room.

 

“Go home, have some sleep. And it will eventually come to you.” The girl smiles and suddenly offered you some food— similar to the last time— that appeared out of nowhere. “Eat this before you go.”

 

Yongsun nods, trying not to make sense of what’s happening, and took it. “Is this part of the thing you do?”

 

“No, I just think you’re hungry.” The girl speaks as she stands, gesturing to leave.

 

“Oh, okay.” She starts calming down. “Thanks, I guess.”

 

“No regrets, alright?”

 

Yongsun nodded.

 

 

-

 

 

Yongsun goes back to her apartment once she finished that strangely good meal. She actually feels a little ease after what happened earlier. Everything is still weird to her but she don’t have time to question it.

 

After all, with the dreams or not, she knew she loves Wheein.

 

Back to her place, she saw Byulyi sleeping in the couch. She smiles, clearly appreciating how the younger girl is still there for her even when she’s really hard to deal with, like every important person in her life right now.

 

It’s already late at night. And Yongsun wants to call Wheein just to hear her voice. But she is probably sleeping, the next morning perhaps she will.

 

Once in her room, she saw the note Wheein left.

 

Her heart flutters in her chest, comforted by the words written.

 

_Thank you for letting me stay -W_

 

Yongsun closes her eyes, for the first time, looking forward to her dream.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This is to remind you guys again that I don't really know how to write something with genre lol. Maybe the girl in the restaurant can be a real entity or something, or maybe she can be a metaphor or a symbol that we all have when we want something but don't have the guts to go for it and it's there telling us that maybe we should try. I don't know. I just think that there is always a part in ourselves that knew what we always wanted and it is applied to Yong here. Sorry if I kind of spoiled and explained it since I really don't have an idea if I'm writing the story clearly.


	5. Lived Like a Fool

  

_People are filing up in the center of the room. The crowd are bustling around, whispering to each other, nodding and smiling seemingly awed with the object of their attention. There is a lot of paintings in the room, but their eyes are fixed to the one in front of them._

 

_Yongsun is curious, trying to take a look at the reason of the commotion, but have no luck since the throng of people won’t seem to be getting away anytime soon. She shrugged, thinking that she’ll have a chance later, and glances around the large room, looking for the person she was supposed to meet._

 

_This is the first time that Wheein’s work is featured in one of the most esteemed art galleries in the country. The younger girl was so delighted when she heard about it and won’t stop talking about how the dream of hers was finally coming through and been restless ever since. Her heart was booming with pride and joy at how the younger girl’s hard work was paying off._

 

_Yongsun have to tire her out every night just to calm her down because Wheein was buzzing with so much excitement. It made her smile thinking about the different— “very creative, Unnie.” Wheein supplied— ways Yongsun did that._

 

_But now she is cursing at herself for being late in this important day. She is afraid that the younger girl would worry and won’t enjoy her day just because of her tardiness— some of her students from her vocal training school, was being such brats today of all the dates._

 

_Wheein tends to overthink and that is the last thing she should be doing, most especially today. Yongsun wants to be there for her. They both need each other in moments like this._

 

_There is no sign of the younger girl after she walked through all the possible places she might be— taking a long time because of the crowd— and about to call her when someone tapped her shoulder._

 

_“Yong-unnie.”_

 

_Yongsun looks behind her and her heart flutters in a familiar way the moment she saw that someone._

 

_And as always, Wheein managed to make Yongsun feel so much without any warnings._

 

_She is wearing a cream plaid pant suit, a black loose shirt tucked in and white sneakers, of course. Even with the semi formal attire, Wheein can still express her personality in it. Yongsun knows because she had watched the younger girl grew to the person she is today. And her hair trimmed just above her shoulder, a few shades lighter, compared to Yongsun’s._

 

_“Hey, is everything alright?” Wheein worriedly asks, since she is just standing there after staring at the girl._

 

_“Yes, Wheein-ah. Sorry I’m late. I went here as fast as I could.” Yongsun lifts an apologetic smile._

 

_“It’s alright. You’re here, that’s more important.” Wheein brightly smiles._

 

_It is comforting how Wheein always reassure Yongsun. Even with her shortcomings, the younger girl would be patient and kind and so sympathetic. How can someone be so understanding?_

 

_Yongsun remembers that night after they spent the whole day together, and how she said that Wheein always looks so sad. The younger girl questioned her if it’s a bad thing, and Yongsun answered with, “sad people are usually good because they feel things more. It’s not necessarily bad, because it just means you can empathise more than most of the people.”_

 

_And Wheein kissed her, tears rolling down her face then asked if she still think she’s sad._

 

_The glimmer in her eyes that night is the same with the one in front of her. And it answered that question. Wheein looked at Yongsun so lovingly, tenderly, so happy and content._

 

_Even with Wheein smiling so brightly like this, Yongsun believes that she is the most sympathetic person she have ever met._

 

_“So have you seen the paintings around?” Wheein grinning at her while gesturing around the room. But she suddenly frowns. “There are so many amazing pieces. I’m scared that my work won’t even compare to everything here.”_

 

_“Hey, I told you. It’s going to be amazing. You just got in to this great exhibit.” Yongsun takes the younger girl’s hand, squeezing it lightly. She gave her an encouraging smile. “You have to believe in yourself.”_

 

_Wheein shakes her head, intertwining their fingers together. Glancing around the room, she released a sigh. “You’re just saying that because I’m your girlfriend. And you still haven’t seen my painting yet.”_

 

_The said painting was the art work Wheein presented to the gallery. Yongsun didn’t know what it looks like since the younger girl kept it under wrap, telling her it isn’t ready yet. At some point, she was starting to feel left out because she thought Wheein might think she wouldn’t appreciate it that much. But then she told Yongsun that she wanted it to be perfect, for her to see._

 

_“And even thought I haven’t seen it, I know it’s wonderful.” Yongsun is confident that it’s true._

 

_“Do you want to see it now?” Wheein asks timidly. The younger girl looks shy now, her palm sweating against Yongsun’s— something that happens when she is nervous. “Or maybe I should get you a drink first. Oh, are you hung— “_

 

_“I want to see it.” Yongsun firmly said, holding her hands tighter afraid that the younger girl would start panicking. “Now.”_

 

_Wheein nods repeatedly before taking a deep breath, looking like she’s trying to get her self together. “Okay! Okay… Let’s go.”_

 

_Leading her further into the room, Yongsun can’t help but feel the butterflies in her stomach at how adorable Wheein is, all flustered. She wanted to shower her with kisses and tell her how adorable she is._

 

_But then she bumped into someone, mumbled an apology then looks up, Yongsun notices that they are going to the crowded area of the room._

 

_Yongsun heard Wheein politely excusing herself through the crowd as she walks towards the throng of bodies. She notices how the people around her is staring at the younger girl… or are they staring at her? Her question was forgotten when Wheein abruptly halts._

 

_That was when Yongsun finally see the reason of the commotion and everything around her stops._

 

_Her chest is pounding, her pulse is racing, a lot of emotion is filling up her whole body, but the most visible one is affection. It would be egocentric of her to think that what’s in front her is one of the most beautiful thing she ever laid her eyes own._

 

 _The painting is a woman with a flower between her lips. It’s so simple but the used of the colours in the back and how meticulously detailed the whole illustration is so_ astonishing _. It bought so many emotions in Yongsun._

 

_It’s aesthetically pleasing even without the context._

 

_Painting is actually an interesting matter for her. It is something Yongsun can’t do yet she appreciates, not only because of Wheein. How it captured a moment with the canvas, and how it expresses the artists’ emotions with variety of colours and strokes of the brush. It might be feigned sometimes, yet it’s exactly why it’s art— it’s someone’s perception of the certain subject through their eyes._

 

_There is are small letter below, naming the artwork._

 

**_magnolia_ **

 

_Yongsun heard a quiet call on her side. She really can’t comprehend the words so she said something that came into her mind. “It’s beautiful.”_

 

_“Do you like it?” The younger girl whispered._

 

_Without glancing at Wheein, she nodded._

 

_“It’s you.”_

 

_Those affirming words, made her took her eyes off the artwork and look at the other masterpiece. Wheein is smiling lovingly at her then raises her hands to her face. Rubbing her thumbs softly against her cheeks, it’s the moment she realises there are tears in her eyes._

 

_Wheein continued, bringing her face close to her own. “I want you to know the everytime I look at you, I see that. The paining is not perfect, but you are. You are beautiful, in an unassuming, unpretentious way. You might think you are flawed, but that what makes you beautiful, that makes you human. And I love every single detail about you, the funny, caring, the scared part of you. They always talk about how art is an expression, but they never told me that the inspiration was the one who brings the emotions, I needed. I love you.”_

 

_If Yongsun wasn’t crying before, she’s definitely sobbing right now. She felt an arms around her waist, pulling her into a warm embrace._

 

_The seconds went by and Yongsun lost all the sense of time, feeling as though they are the only person in the room. Even though she can feel the eyes burning through her, she don’t care anymore. Not when Wheein is mumbling sweet, comforting words in her ears, and Yongsun can’t help but tighten the hug._

 

_When they are pulling away, Yongsun gently runs her hand through her cheek, fingers brushing against her skin. She watches as Wheein eyes fluttering shut at her touch. “I love you too, so much.”_

 

_With the words, she opened her eyes, and Yongsun feels like she’s drowning to the depth of the emotions from the delicate face. Then Wheein smiled._

 

_It was when Yongsun finally leans forward, closing the gap between the two of them._

 

 

 

Yongsun opens her eyes.

 

The very first thing Yongsun does after she wakes up, is cry.

 

It’s another dream again. Not as bad as the others, but not as sweet as what she just had.

 

She thinks maybe it’s not supposed to be a dream anymore. Because she wants it to be real. She wants it to be her reality, to belong to her, to be with Wheein.

 

She blames herself for being a coward, after all they’ve been through, after all Wheein did for her, all those words she said, all those moments they shared together.

 

Yongsun hopes that she could bring those back again, she wish that she could make it right, and maybe she could finally stop herself from hurting Wheein.

 

And maybe Yongsun could finally be brave enough to have a future with her.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I won't be explaining the restaurant part anymore. Just think of it as anything you like, a symbolism or a metaphor or Yong's conscience. Just two chapters left, from this one and on, it will feature if they are gonna get together and how will they navigate their connection with the people around them. Thanks!


	6. Like Yesterday

 

  

Saying that Yongsun is scared is an understatement. 

 

Remembering the words from the mysterious girl from the restaurant, every little details that occupies her mind and the object of her dreams— her lovely smile, her caring nature and her affectionate yet sad eyes— terrifies her.

 

It’s late in the morning already and Yongsun had been tossing around, thinking of ways to proceed. Because from this day on everything she decides to do would not only affect Wheein but also herself.

 

But still, Yongsun is determined. 

 

Though Yongsun has no idea what to do and how she would say the things that’s been in her mind all along. It’s ironic because she’s always been a outspoken person, which bothers Byulyi and Hyejin a lot.

 

Now she could truly admit how she truly feels for Wheein.

 

And suddenly Yongsun is reluctant to move along with her thoughts.

 

If Yongsun is already this overwhelmed with her feelings, what did Wheein must have felt when she was having the same sentiment and was turn down? “Harshly,” Yongsun thought bitterly.

 

Just like any other day, her morning went on like it usually does. But her mind is in somewhere else. 

 

Yongsun had never thought of imagining her future without the image of what it should have been. Wheein had, if she went through the trouble of confessing and making peace with the idea that they are just going to be friends. And in the end, she still have to live with a regret.

 

It’s a late realisation, but she gets there.

 

And Yongsun have to do something about it. 

 

Her day went on. And everything is so lacking, so empty. Thinking that she has something more important to do.

 

And Yongsun thinks that she has to change it.

 

All she had wanted was a nice normal life. 

 

But it’s a life without the bright laugh.

 

Her twinkling eyes.

 

Those sweaty yet soft hands.

 

And Yongsun never realises how she wanted that all for herself.

 

 

-

 

 

It has been a week since her last “dream” and Yongsun haven’t done anything. Not that she don’t want to— she does, she really does— but Yongsun don’t know how to move along.

 

Byulyi stares at Yongsun weirdly when the younger girl hangs around her apartment, after the latter’s work.

 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

 

“Then stop looking like you’re trying to planning some kind of scary shit.” Byulyi points at her best friend, glaring.

 

“How do you want me to look when I do that then?” Yongsun glares back at the younger girls, ready to throw anything that her hand can reach but slowly deflates as she realises that Byulyi is not that wrong. “I am kind of thinking of something terrifying.”

 

“Oh, that’s the new.” Byulyi raises her a brow. “You would have taken care of it immediately because you don’t want prolonging things.”

 

Yongsun sighed and flops in her couch, “I don’t know anymore.”

 

“Well, talk to her first.” The younger girl comments. “It will be good for Wheein to know that you want to reach out.”

 

Yongsun closes her eyes, not bothering to wonder how Byulyi knew what she was thinking and let the silence fall upon them.

 

Byulyi pokes her cheek so that she can get a reaction from Yongsun, “Come on, make a move already.”

 

Yongsun slaps her hand, “Stop, I’m thinking of what I’m going to do.”

 

“Oh!” Byulyi exclaims, thinking of something. “I heard from Hyejin that there’s an art exhibit in their university and Wheein is gonna be there. Do you want to go with me? Since Hyejin invited me to come. It’s tomorrow evening.”

 

“It’s tomorrow already,” Yongsun trails off. “And Hyejin might still be mad at me… “

 

Byulyi shakes her head, “She won’t be if you stop being a brat. I swear this a good opportunity unless you have more important things to do better than this. And Wheein would be happy to see you there.”

 

“Okay… let me think about it?” Maybe it’s not a good idea to face Wheein while Hyejin is around but it would be nice to see them both even if things are unpleasant.

 

“Don’t.” The younger girl playfully slaps her arm. “You’re coming with me.”

 

 

-

 

 

Yongsun pulls up at the almost full parking lot and checks her surroundings.

 

“Are you sure that I look alright?” She swiftly faces the person at the passenger side, who is unbuckling her seatbelt.

 

“Yes unnie,” Byulyi replied as she gets off the car. “It doesn’t matter what you wear though.”

 

“Still,” Yongsun follows suit, checking herself in the side mirror of her car. “I need to look decent enough.”

 

“Decent is not the right adjective when you’re gonna seduce anyone.” Byulyi jokes. Yongsun is ready to throw a fist at the younger girl when she continues, “Seriously, it’s enough that you made an effort to be here.”

 

They shared a understanding smile.

 

Both of them arrives at the auditorium without a hitch.

 

Byulyi smiles and waves with a lot of people— like a inssa person that she is— while Yongsun tries not to strain her neck looking for anything that is associated with Wheein.

 

Judging by the crowd, Yongsun thinks that it is like one of the biggest events in the university. She is proud knowing that Wheein is involved with it, even if she haven’t seen any of her work.

 

They walk together as they past the work of the previous students, wandering in Yongsun’s case. She truly appreciate the paintings but it doesn’t peak her interest.

 

Yongsun is attentive again when they finally make it to the section provided for the artworks of the current students. She doesn’t know that she’s too focused on looking for anything familiar and all of a sudden she bumps into someone.

 

“I’m so— “

 

“Yongsun-unnie.”

 

Yongsun looks up hearing the voice but she’s stunned on her spot.

 

Her heart is bursting with the familiar bittersweetness the moment she sees the person in front of her.

 

As if she doesn’t already, Wheein is filling her mind with the thought of her.

 

“What are you doing here?” Wheein asks hesitantly, though her voice is filled of uncertainty, Yongsun can’t help but notice the slight glint in the younger girl’s eyes.

 

It is enough for her to lift a shy smile. “To support you, of course.”

 

“Oh.” Wheein blushes and look anywhere but her. “My work is still not that good though. But I’m glad that you’re here.”

 

Those words reminded her of the last dream that she had. And Yongsun thinks that she’s going crazy because this is her reality now. And if this is the person who she wants to spend her life with, who looks at her so painfully tender and lovingly. She loves it.

 

Because she’s in love with Jung Wheein.

 

“Unnie, are you alright?” Wheein asks, as she notices Yongsun spacing out so she frowns looking worriedly at her.

 

Oh, even frowning, she looks cute and Yongsun adores it.

 

“I’m fine. I— it’s the crowd, I guess… “ Yongsun bites her lips not wanting to blurt out her thoughts and scare the younger girl. She doesn’t want their conversation to be in this place. 

 

“Are you sure?” Wheein’s eyes and lips are tilted with concern. “We can get out of here if people is too much for you.”

 

It should be Yongsun’s line because out of the two of them Wheein is the one who’s not good with the crowd and strangers. And yet here she is asking, if she’s fine.

 

So freaking thoughtful.

 

Yongsun shakes her head, not saying anything because she doesn’t trust her mouth around the younger girl.

 

“Ah, do you want to look around?” As if Wheein wants to spend more time with her, and Yongsun doesn’t mind. She added, “Only if you want to… Are you here with someone?”

 

Speaking of someone, Yongsun’s with Byulyi until she bumped in with the younger girl. And now she’s nowhere to be found… “That sneaky hamster,” Yongsun thought.

 

“N— no, I’m not with anyone. I mean I came here with Byul but… “ Yongsun stutters and blabbering for no particular reason. “She might be mingling with some girl. So I’m here, alone.”

 

So if this continues, Yongsun might just confess here, with sweaty people around. and Wheein deserves more than that.

 

Wheein just nods, confused with the older girl’s behaviour though beams as the prospect of being with Yongsun. “Okay then, I’ll show you around.”

 

Is this how Wheein always react to her? Does she reacts like that too? 

 

They were walking as Wheein talks about the paintings around and Yongsun have no idea what’s she’s saying and just enjoys watching the younger girls chatter with a smile. She ends up staring at her lips as she speaks. Yongsun remembers how she showers them with kisses in her dreams. 

 

Oh, not here, not now, go away.

 

Then here goes Byulyi appearing out of nowhere with Hyejin— who gave her a quick look— and helps Yongsun out of her embarrassing thoughts. “Hi both of you! You already found each other huh.” Byulyi chirps.

 

“Yeah, Yongsun-unnie here looked so lost earlier. Good thing I saw her.” The young artist flashes a bright charming smile.

 

Yongsun swooned a little and can’t seem to find her tongue.

 

Before she can say anything, Hyejin beats her to it. “Wheein-ah, your professor is looking for you. Something about a lost canvas or something.”

 

“Oh, I need to go.” Wheein jumps a little in panic and switches her gaze to Yongsun. “I’m sorry, I told you I’m gonna accompany you around… “

 

“No, it’s okay. You should go. Byul and Hyejin is here, so I’m gonna be fine.” Yongsun tries to reassure the younger girl.

 

With a smile that seems to ease Wheein up, she walks away with quick good bye.

 

When Wheein is far away enough, Hyejin starts to talk, “I still don’t like what you did to my poor best friend’s heart, Unnie, but Byulyi told me everything. And if you mess up again, I’ll make sure that no one will find your body.” 

 

Yongsun would be lying if she said that she isn’t a little horrified. 

 

“Anyway, I’m relieved that you realised how stupid you are. Either way, you’re gonna die from my hands.”

 

Yongsun grumbles a little, but can’t stop the smile that slowly finding her lips. “So you’re gonna kill me either way.”

 

“Stop you two, we’re friends.” Byulyi takes them both with her arms, hugging them closer. “No one gonna kill anyone. We don’t want Wheein to be sad, don’t we?”

 

“Okay okay, get off me!” Yongsun yells as she removes the arm around her. Hyejin is doing the same but Byulyi holds them firmly. And she can’t help but laugh making the other two laugh too. If the people are looking at them weirdly, they don’t care.

 

“But unnie,” Byulyi says, once they settled their giggling down, and grins down at her. “You need to confess already. Before it’s too late.”

 

Yongsun abruptly turns at her, giving herself a whiplash, “Too late?”

 

“I’m just kidding, unnie.” Byulyi laughs loudly at her best friend’s face. “Just please, save both of you the trouble of another heartache. It’s been going on for too long. If you have a problem with wooing girls, I can help you, I’m good with that.”

 

“No, I can do it myself.” Yongsun rolls her eyes.

 

“I’ll teach you my mo— ”

 

“Nah.”

 

“There’s no wooing needed, is that what you are implying, unnie?” Hyejin added, smiling.

 

Yongsun is biting her inner cheeks while Byulyi and Hyejin keep teasing her.

 

 

-

 

 

Byulyi and Hyejin has been encouraging Yongsun to make a move on Wheein. She remembers she had the two of them lounging in her apartment and bugging her about trying to reach for the young artist. Yongsun would reply she needs some time.

 

The truth is, she doesn’t know what to do with Wheein.

 

Maybe she should just confess, like said it without any preparation but reality hits her. She actually doesn’t know if Wheein still likes her— loves her. 

 

And she is too shy to make the first move.

 

Without putting on any makeup, wearing her comfortable clothes— and warm since it’s cold outside— she drags herself outside. Lately, she usually goes strolling on the streets close to the younger girl’s university, hoping that she’ll get a glimpse of the girl.

 

Well, she haven’t had any luck.

 

“Yongsun-unnie?”

 

Oh that warm familiar voice.

 

And she looks back and finds herself standing in front of Wheein’s university.

 

Yongsun blinks and finally sees Wheein greeting her with her adorable questioning frown. And the young artist looks attractive even with her messy hair, wrinkled clothes and her paint tainted sneakers.

 

“Hi, Wheein-ah.”

 

Talk about faith and all that soulmate thing. Though Yongsun calls bullshit on herself, she’s been hoping that this will happen.

 

“What are you doing here?” Wheein tilted her head towards the building. “Are you waiting for someone?”

 

“I’m waiting for you… ” Yongsun wants to say. But she just smiles shyly, “I was just walking around the neighbourhood.”

 

“In this weather, unnie? Aren’t you cold?”

 

“Not anymore, now that you are here.”

 

Damn, Byulyi would be proud of her.

 

Wheein cheeks redden— not from the cold, Yongsun would like to think— and tries to play it off by ruffling her hair. “Okay. I’m about to go for a ramyum run. Do you want to come?”

 

“Yes!” Yongsun beams as she follows the younger girl.

 

 

-

 

 

“Are you still cold?” Wheein worriedly asks as she plays with her food but her eyes are glued on Yongsun. “I can get you a coffee, or tea if you want.”

 

Yongsun stops eating, “I’m warm enough already.”

 

“Good,” the young artist nodded as she continue playing with her food.

 

“You should eat more, Wheein-ah. It’s bad for your health skipping meals.” Yongsun suddenly blurts out her concern.

 

There’s always there. The lingering worry in Yongsun’s chest, when Wheein would neglect herself. Wheein thinks too much and yet she don’t think about herself at all. 

 

“I know.” A small smile appears on Wheein face, “It’s been pretty busy on school, that sometimes I forget. But I swear I’m eating properly now. Too much exercise is bad for your health too.”

 

“I don’t work out all the time.” Yongsun replied quietly.

 

“Well, you look good still.”

 

“Is that a compliment?”

 

“I’m just telling the truth.” Wheein looks away and tries to focus on her food.

 

“Wheein-ah, I— “ Yongsun stumbles on her words. “I wanted to talk to you.”

 

Wheein looks up and her eyes are flickering with something like hope but was quickly replaced with playfulness, “We already are talking, aren’t we?”

 

“I— it’s about what I said last night in my apartment… “

 

Wheein’s face falls, her eyes filled with so much emotion, but the most obvious one is doubt. And Yongsun don’t want it there.

 

“I’m sorry. Am I making you uncomfo— “

 

“No, it’s not like that.” Yongsun gestures her to stop talking. “I’m just telling you that I want you in my life too.”

 

“If you’re saying that just to placate me, please don’t.” Wheein shakes her head, frowning. “It still hurts, I won’t lie, but you have your own feelings too.”

 

Yongsun stares at Wheein deeply and thinks that for a very talented person, she have little confidence. Only if she’s aware how charming and endearing she really is, and how her ‘own feelings’ leads directly to her.

 

“Then my feelings say that I should keep bothering you to take care of yourself more.” Yongsun finishes it with a casual smile.

 

It’s not totally a confession, but it’s a step forward.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” There a finality in her voice, and Yongsun knows that Wheein’s aware that there’s no argument about it anymore. Yongsun could only wish that she could tell her everything right here. She’s here because she chooses her and she’s not going to have any regrets this time.

 

But for now, it’s enough that a warm smile is slowly coming back on Wheein’s face again.

 

And of course she couldn’t help. So Yongsun smiles back.


	7. Nada Sou Sou

  

 

Yongsun knows that being with a girl is hard, that was one of the reasons why she brushes the idea off immediately when she thought of dating Wheein, before. 

 

She haven’t been with a lot of people in the past, and it was all boys but no one’s ever made her want the way Wheein does. The way she effortlessly warms her heart. And Wheein has always made her lose her senses and it’s making her forget the fact that she’s a girl. And for Yongsun it’s doesn’t matter now, anyway.

 

Wheein has never made her uncomfortable or forces herself onto her, not ever. And it makes her wonder how can she think that it was all wrong, when the younger girl is always there, always treating her with respect.

 

It’s not unusual to think that at a certain point in our lives, everyone starts to yearn for someone to spend the rest of you life with, to care for you without anything in return, to hold you like you’re the most important person in the world.

 

Still it scares Yongsun a little that she pictures Wheein to be that person, so clearly. And when she looks at Wheein, it seems like she’s seeing herself. Would they eventually fall out of these feelings? Would Wheein eventually leave her when she realises that she can do better than her?

 

Yongsun wanted to tell Wheein how much she loves her when the younger girl walked her home last night, when she saw her glanced back with a cute blush on her face as she went home.

 

And now, Yongsun is waiting for Wheein outside her car. They have been hanging out lately ever since the visit from the university. She thinks it’s a good progress.

 

Yongsun wants Wheein how she feels. But those words would lost it’s meaning if she will just springs it suddenly to the younger girl. So she settles on showing her first, like how Wheein did all those years and until now.

 

It doesn’t take long for Wheein to arrive and notices her leaning against her car, she makes a note to slightly lean more, imitating those sexy car commercials— damn she’s starting to think like Byulyi. Which is a success when Wheein starts gaping at her from afar. 

 

The younger girl is obviously panicking. And as much as Yongsun likes watching her squirm because of her, she approaches Wheein. When they meet face to face, they had a little staring contest. Yongsun is smiling widely while Wheein trying not to look anywhere besides her eyes.

 

And it takes everything within Yongsun to not shower her with kisses.

 

Because Wheein is so adorable right now.

 

“Wheein-ah.”

 

“U— unnie.” The younger girl stutters, giving her a weak nod.

 

Yongsun playfully slid her arm around the Wheein’s. “Come on, let’s have dinner.”

 

“Ah, um… “

 

“It’s my treat.” Yongsun happily added and drag Wheein along with her until they arrives at the car.

 

“A dinner would be nice.” Wheein sighs as she let herself into the passenger seat. 

 

Yongsun flashes the young artist a warm smile.

 

They had a meal in one of their favorite places around the area and they talked about anything their mind can think of. Which Yongsun enjoys since no matter how many times she watches Wheein talk about the random things, it never fails to make her smile.

 

It did take long before they are back to Yongsun’s car.

 

They are in a comfortable silence as Yongsun drives Wheein back to her dorm. But it was broken, when Wheein suddenly speaks up.

 

“What are you doing, unnie?” Wheein softly asks as they passes through the street. “I am confused, please tell me.”

 

The vulnerability in her voice makes Yongsun stop the car immediately. And she is startled that the mood switches instantly.

 

They sat in complete silence for awhile before Yongsun even dares to look at Wheein and struck that the same person who was chatting lively and laughing brightly with her earlier looks so fragile right now. How her eyes are downcast with an unshed tears.

 

Yongsun mentally curses herself for not making her feelings clear for the younger girl, and for bringing back the sadness back in those eyes and the hurt in her voice.

 

Before she can say anything, Wheein heaves a long sigh. “I’m tired.”

 

Yongsun, finally finding her voice, said, “of what?”

 

“Of being mislead.”

 

Her breath hitches.

 

“I know it’s not your intention to lead me on. It’s my fault that I think of it that way. It just gets too much som— .”

 

“I’m not leading you on.” Yongsun has never sounded so stern before. “I’m in love with you.”

 

Wheein stares at the older girl with stunned eyes and no words are coming from her parted lips.

 

So Yongsun gives in.

 

She kisses her, her doubts are long forgotten. Her worries doesn’t matter in this very moment. She just wants Wheein to know that she’s loves her and she want this. But her dreams didn’t prepare her for the feeling that is bursting in her chest once their lips met. 

 

“I love you, Wheein-ah.” Yongsun pants softly, wondering how a short kiss can leave her this breathless. She didn’t wait for the Wheein’s reply and just nuzzles herself into the younger girl’s body.

 

Wheein is so warm.

 

And she can feel Wheein’s heartbeat against her.

 

They stays like that for awhile. Yongsun is curious yet scared of what the young artist might be thinking. 

 

“You know, I’ve always wanted to hear those words from you.“ Wheein said after a long silence, then chuckles making her vibrate against her, but rather weakly and her tone still have a hint of uncertainty. “Everything about you is so compelling that it entice me somehow despite your indifference. It’s surreal now that you finally said it. And I don’t know if this is true or my mind is just playing a trick on me again.”

 

The hesitation of accepting the confession is there, and Yongsun can’t blame her. But the way Wheein’s heartbeat echoes with her own, she knows that she still feel the same way. 

 

So Yongsun smiles, tilting her head slightly to look at the younger girl. “Then let me show it to you.” She’s going to make her fall in love with her again. “I’ll prove it to you. Give me another chance.”

 

And Wheein chuckles again, but this time it sounds genuinely amused.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Yongsun playfully quirks an eyebrow at her. Failing to stop beaming, the blooming joy in her chest and the smile growing in her face despite the change of mood, and Wheein’s giggles is not helping.

 

“You have that determined look on your face.” The younger girl takes a quick glance at her and cracks a watery smile. “I don’t have a choice in this matter, don’t I?”

 

“You don’t.” Yongsun laughs and didn’t notice that at the same time, she’s bursting into tears. She doesn’t expect it will be this straightforward. 

 

Wheein shifts in her seat and places her hand in her waist, the other wiping her tears, “Then, I love you too, unnie.”

 

Yongsun is actually dying to hear those words, she doesn’t expect another wave of feelings crushing into her over another love confession. She swears Wheein got her in the palm of her hands, and she don’t mind, at all.

 

Overwhelmed with her thoughts, Yongsun leans in and kisses her again. She can feel the younger girl wrapping her arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Yongsun would have never thought that she’ll be kissing Wheein inside of her old small car at the side of the road of god knows where, and still feels so giddy, so excited, so hopeful.

 

Wheein breaks away wanting to say something but was stopped when Yongsun steals a peck on her cheek. The younger girl struggles to continue and clears her throat. “It will take a long time for me to get used to this.”

 

Yongsun cups Wheein’s cheek and pinch it tenderly. “We’ll work on that.”

 

“I’ll look forward to it.” The younger girl mumbles softly.

 

Now that they are together, they both know that they got plenty of time ahead.

 

Yongsun is glad that she met Wheein, that she’s a part of her life, that Wheein is who she is, that she finally let go of her own fear and she’s going hold onto it for the rest of her life.

 

 

-

 

 

“They there are! Hyejin-ah, Yong-unnie and Wheeinie are here!” Byulyi cheerfully calls her friends, waving. It earns her a smack from the girl beside her.

 

“You’re so loud unnie. I already saw them the moment they went in.” Hyejin nonchalantly replies. “It’s not hard since they are all over each other like that.” She is pointing at the approaching couple who’s giggling loudly.

 

Even before Wheein and Yongsun arrive at their table, Hyejin glares at them. “You guys are so sickeningly sweet. It’s disgusting.”

 

“And very late. Why is that though?” It is more of a question to herself and Byulyi looks like she already have an answer with the way she is smirking suggestively as she moves on to another seat to provide a space for the newcomers.

 

Hyejin rolls her eyes, clearly not wanting to hear any details.

 

Yongsun secretly observes Hyejin’s expression and saw a small smile breaking into the younger girl’s face. Though she’s definitely sure that it is because of the giggling Wheein besides her. And that, she is thankful of. They might still have some setback between the two of them, but Yongsun sees Hyejin as her little sister more than anything and glad that Wheein have a protective bestfriend like her.

 

After the couple settles in their seats, Byulyi continues her teasing. “So let’s order? Or you guys already full?”

 

“Today is a really good day to kill someone.” Yongsun curses mentally.

 

“Stop teasing her, Byul-unnie.” Wheein raises her hand, smoothing the frown that’s forming in her face. Softly brushing the wrinkled forehead, the younger girl gives her a look, silently asking if she is alright, and Yongsun smiles, reassuring her.

 

Yongsun flashes one last glare to Byulyi before giving her attention to the menu in front of her.

 

“Shall we order then?” Wheein considerately suggests as she just heard Hyejin grumbling about being stuck with idiots while she’s hungry and remembering that both Yongsun and her haven’t eaten anything since morning.

 

“Fucking finally.” Hyejin raises her hand like she’s surrendering. “It’s on Yongsun-unnie since you made us wait.”

 

Yongsun is about to throw a fist when Wheein takes her hand, pouting at her. It didn’t take long before she agrees.

 

“Whipped.”

 

If Yongsun’s hand is found slipping into someone’s face, it’s not on her.

 

 

-

 

 

Yongsun sighs nervously against a pair of warm lips. “I want to ask you something.”

 

“What is it?” Wheein said between kisses.

 

“I talked to my sister yesterday. She’s moving out.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Wheein-ah.” Yongsun pulls away, but still close enough so that their foreheads are touching, “Do you want to move in together?”

 

“Um… “ She diverts her gaze down.

 

“I understand if you don’t want to.” Yongsun gives her a reassuring smile. “I’m sorry for bringing thi— ”

 

“Okay.”

 

Yongsun tilts her head in confusion, “Huh?”

 

“I said okay. I’m moving in with you.”

 

Yongsun can’t help but smile. She tenderly caresses Wheein’s face before she leans in for another kiss.

 

 

-

 

 

Yongsun opens her eyes. She just had another dream. 

 

It’s not like one of her dreams before. This time she thinks that this isn’t just a dream but a piece of her memory, memories of her and Wheein. It feels so real, because it is real.

 

“Yongsun-unnie.”

 

Hearing her name, she shifts her body to the other side and is greeted by the sight of Wheein struggling a little to open her eyes, the warm rays of sunlight shines upon the younger girl who lays beside her.

 

Oh how she would do anything to memorise this moment.

 

“Hey.” Yongsun mumbles.

 

Her lips curves into a smile when she sees the adorable girl with her messy hair sticking everywhere. She gently tugs her closer. 

 

Wheein is cutely yawning but her arms are slowly curling around her waist. She can feel the delicate fingers tapping mindlessly to bare skin, making Yongsun giggle.

 

The young artist slightly leans back. And when Yongsun is about to pull her back, Wheein kisses her, from her forehead, down her eyebrows, her nose to her cheek and finally to her lips. They share a sweet kiss.

 

“I love you.” Wheein mumbles as she snuggles into Yongsun’s body. It didn’t take long before the younger girl fall asleep again.

 

“I love you too.” Yongsun whispers back.

 

Yongsun hopes that she could spend her whole life with Wheein just like this, she hopes that she won’t have regrets again, she hopes she could always make Wheein happy instead of hurting her.

 

And she would do absolutely anything to make that happen.


End file.
